Attack of the Wiggy Bangs

A comment in the last post got me thinking about something that I see quite often on the red carpet but was hesitant to bring up on this blog for two reasons. One, it's a hair police issue which can get heated sometimes and two, of the most recent perps are women that I just love: Joy Bryant and Kerry Washington

The issue is wiggy bangs.

Let me start by stating that I have nothing against a weave, a relaxer or a natural. I firmly believe that we are all sisters under the scalp even if some of us have chemical burns and track marks on ours.

Speaking as a person who in high school had a bi-level two toned jheri curl (technically it was a Wave Nouveau but it did just as much damage,) I simply cannot throw stones. To me, as long as a sister's hair is looking fly, I have no complaints.

But I cannot stand wiggy looking bangs. Bangs are tricky enough as it is. Really they are the follicular equivalent of those big ass sunglasses that skinny starlets were sporting two summers ago -- meaning that just because they are in style, that doesn't mean that you should sport them too.

On the wrong head bangs can make a woman's face look like a troll. If they are too long, a pot head; too short, and they make you look like an idiot who burned off her hair with a too hot curling iron.

This is complicated even more for full weave wearers. Choose the wrong texture and cut and suddenly those silky tresses look like rejected scraps from the Barbie wigging floor at Mattel. I'm talking lumpy, artificially shiny and fake as the friendships on "The Real Housewives of Atlanta."

Kelly Rowland' strikes a wiggy pose

That said, I'd take Barbie bangs over a crusty lace-front wig any day of the week. Seriously, some women (who shall remain nameless) are not even trying to hide that line of demarkation anymore *cough*Tyra*cough*.

It saddens me that I've seen Joy and Kerry sporting Barbie bangs recently. In the past I've tried to turn a blind eye but I had to get if off my chest:

Ladies, if your six year old god daughter has taken to hiding her dolls anytime you come around, it might be your bangs!

Please take those overwhelming bangs down and start over. Extension bangs can be done right but you might have to comparison shop or find a weaver with a special bang guarantee. Do this so you can just go back to being fabulous and I can go back to fawning.

I should add that bad bangs also afflict the weaveless and occasional piece wearer. A careful study of Jada Pinkett Smith reveals that her bang game has varying degrees of success and failure. You be the judge here:

Okay I'm done.